We all have people in our lives who are just crappy, negative thinkers. It seems no matter what you say or do, they saunter in like Eeyore and bring gloom and doom to your dream. Even though we may love them as people, they still come off sounding like an [insert Eeyore’s species here]**. So how can we deal with these folks?
Everyone and every situation is different, so here are three possible solutions to avoid the dream crushers.
Ignore them
Sounds easy, but it’s tough isn’t it? You can’t really “ignore” them, can you? So do this instead. Smile. Yeah, but not just any smile. Start picturing yourself at the end of the story where you have achieved the elusive dream you’re striving for and that person is there in front of you eating their words. It’s not a smirk or an evil grin. It’s a genuine smile that you have accomplished something that means the world to you and to you alone. As they say…smile and the world will wonder what you’re up to.
This tactic takes a little practice and it doesn’t work in all situations. But it’s certainly an effective move and is harmless enough to get you through a situation without confrontation. And by not verbally responding, it usually causes the topic of conversation to digress onto other subjects.
Do your homework
Lots of naysayers like to point out “facts”. They like to tell you that it hasn’t been done before so you’re trying to do the impossible. Or they like to laugh because you’re not doing it like everyone else so you can’t possibly achieve good results. Statements like that put you on the defensive.
To combat the accusations that you’ll never make it, you have to fight “facts” with facts. Typically the negative thinker goes by personal experiences and “feelings” as their “facts”. That’s why they are a negative thinker. (Yeah yeah – psychology again). What you’ll need to do is to study and research your goals until you are confident enough to be able to respond calmly and rationally to their negativity by detailing your plans. Because negative people often go by feelings and emotion, simple logic can be your best weapon here.
What you can’t do is to stoop to their level and go off of feelings and experiences. You can’t say “I feel I will achieve this.” You have to have a plan of action to get there. When you can clearly express your specific plans to the naysayer, surprisingly most of them stop cold. When they realize that you have a game plan, they find out their commentary no longer holds water. It’s a very cool trick – which is why I am very big on making detailed lists and plans (more on that topic soon).
Don’t ask, don’t tell.
When you know someone is a pessimistic thinker and they are very vocal about it, then don’t feed them details. Adopt a “don’t tell” policy and don’t give them any ammunition to launch back at you. Every dream is fragile and you have every right to protect it.
Dreams can take months, even years to achieve and you are guaranteed to run into some serious pitfalls and setbacks along the way. Rather than mention your troubles to the doomsday subscribers, keep that info to yourself. Talk out your issues with people who actually care and will hand you a rope and pull you out, not hang you from it.
The Challenge
This week’s challenge is to pick one of the three methods above and put it into practice. Eventually you can try all three methods on for size. I use different methods for different personality types and different scenarios. These are my top 3 ways to handle the Eeyore’s in my life. What ways have you come up with to deal with dream crushers?
** Was Eeyore’s character a donkey on purpose? Was that intentional or just an odd coincidence? Any Pooh fans know the answer?
