Rachel Wanted to be a Pallbearer

My 93-year-old grandmother recently passed away. I was around when the funeral arrangements were being discussed with four of my grandma’s six kids. When we discussed pallbearers they automatically started naming off the sons from each of the families, usually the eldest one even though in some families the eldest is a woman. The stated justification was that the casket would be very heavy.

I spoke out for my women cousins who might want that chance, but as there was only me and one other cousin (of 20+ grandkids, 10 of whom are women), and neither of us volunteered to do it, it was decided that the boys would be offered the role and none of the girls were even offered the chance. I was a little disappointed by this. I’m sure if any of the girls had been asked they would have accepted (none of the boys refused to do it when they were asked).

During the discussion, I think it was my aunt who told a story about an elderly woman she knew who stated that she wanted all of her pall bearers to be women because “no men took me out while I was alive, so I’m not going to let them take me out when I’m dead!” Way to go, sister!

All of my male cousins (and my brother) loved her as much as the girls, but she was a strong and independent-minded woman, even for her time and in her own way, that it felt like something has missing just a bit, to not have any of her granddaughters participate in that final act.