Are You Making Others Happy?

Did you know that the best way to get what YOU want in life is to make others happy first?  It’s true and the principle behind it is very simple: Everyone wants to be happy.  Even grumpy people are grumpy because for them being grumpy and dissatisfied is their form of happiness.

There’s just not enough to go around.

I think we are all painfully aware of the fact that we have limited time and limited funds to do all the things we want to do in life.  It’s hogwash to say that there is an “abundance” to be had by all.  It’s impossible.  That’s not saying we can’t acquire an abundance of wealth, food or whatever we want to make us happy, but the physical resources are not available to everyone at the same time. So what do we do?

These limits force us to narrow our focus and make choices.  Because we must make choices, we try to pick the things that make us the happiest.  These choices are often called “values”.  We use the resources that we do have to trade with others to increase our happiness.  For example, having indoor plumbing is valuable to me so when it breaks down I am unhappy.  I will gladly trade some of my cash resources to a plumber to have my toilet repaired.  The plumber will gladly accept my cash trade for her time because her paycheck makes her happy.  It’s win-win for both of us.

My happiness is not your happiness.

Everyone has their own view of happiness. The things that make me happy may not be the same things that make you happy.  Perhaps I enjoy working more than having leisure time.  Maybe you prefer expensive cars and homes but I would be happier with a larger family and more vacation time.  We all have different ideas about what makes us happy.  None of us are wrong in what we think and we can also change our minds about our happiness because happiness is relative.

Here is an example.  My friend likes Starbucks coffee.  She is willing to trade $3 of her resources for a latte because it makes her happy.  I hate coffee.  Trading $3 for coffee would most definitely NOT make me happy.  If everyone were satisfied and made happy by the exact same things, our world would be a wreck.  We would all be in competition for the same limited resources and that would cause a lot of fighting and turmoil.  There would be a lot of people who were NOT happy and Starbucks would run out of coffee in a hurry.

No one does anything that makes them unhappy.

This part may surprise you, but no one does anything that makes them unhappy.  You may make a transaction at some point and think that person is getting a raw deal and you’re coming out ahead.  The other person, however, has a different set of values and perhaps they see the deal as being profitable for themselves and think you’re getting ripped off.  Neither of you traded for something you didn’t want.

Here’s a classic example.  You have a yard sale and you put out a piece of furniture that’s outdated and worn.  Along comes a buyer who sees that it could be recovered and painted to match their living room.  They see it as getting a bargain which makes them happy and you see it as getting a cash reward for something you considered junk.  Everyone is happy with the trade, even though each of you thinks you got the better end of the deal.  No one ever buys anything at a yard sale that they don’t want.  At the time they make the purchase, the item has value and acquiring it makes them happy.

So what does all this mean?

Once you realize that other people are motivated by their own desires, you can use that knowledge to help you get what you want.  I’m not referring to manipulating anyone or being ruthlessly selfish – not at all.  I’m talking about taking a genuine relationship and looking at it in terms of what you can give to make the other person happy.  When you have something that can provide the other person with happiness, you can use that to help each other.  You both win.  Take a look around you and think about ways you can provide happiness.  Here are a few I thought of:

1.  Volunteer your bests talents to an organization or group in need.  If you love what you do then you’ll be happy and they will be thankful to have professional services.

2.  Look at your most overwhelming project and consider hiring an expert who loves that kind of work.  They will be happy to do the job and you’ll be happy the project is completed.

3.  Take a look at your calendar and find one commitment you would like to give up.  I’m willing to bet there is someone out there just waiting to step into the role you are vacating.  You’ll both be happy for the change of pace.

What ideas do you have?