I’ve been meaning to write about the topic of modesty for quite some time now. Earlier this year, as swimsuit season approached, my daughters insisted that I buy them a two-piece suit. I am not opposed to two-piece bathing suits as long as they are modest. We didn’t have any luck in that department and my kids ended up wearing their one-piece suits from last year that fortunately still fit. The two-piece suits that I did find in the children’s department were extremely skimpy and the bottom half of the suit looked more like g-string underwear. Ugh. I’m sure that somewhere on this planet there are some modest two-piece suits for girls, but they are getting harder and harder to find.
My husband, on the other hand, is totally opposed to two-piece suits. He prefers that the kids wear a one-piece like me. But, if I could find a two-piece that I liked, I would buy it anyway. I wouldn’t be buying it out of spite, but I find the two-piece suit to be incredibly convenient when nature calls. Two-piece suits are ideal to wear under your clothes at places like amusement parks, where you know you are going to get wet and you’re going to have to use the restroom. I absolutely hate trying to juggle my shirt, sunglasses and bag while I squirm in and out of the top half of a wet bathing suit to go to the bathroom. A two-piece solves this fairly easily. I need something that looks like a tank top with a decent pair of shorts, not a two piece that barely keeps the top half of me in place while flossing my behind. Modesty. Does it even exist anymore?
I can’t help but notice that people are wearing less and less clothing these days. It is driving me crazy. It is becoming increasingly difficult to shop with my children who beg for mini-skirts and skimpy little shorts because there is a celebrity name on the label. Even the generic clothes are using less and less fabric. I have been absolutely appalled by what I have seen young girls wear. As a youth leader at my church, I have had to tell girls to pull their shirts down to cover their cracks because their shorts are too short. If they happen to be wearing a crop-top (as most do) we keep a supply of t-shirts handy that they can wear over their “outfit” so that the guys in the youth group can actually talk to the girls and look them in the eye instead of staring at their chest.
Society seems to accept these fashion trends as normal. Why should we, as women, accept them? Why are women embracing this trend and baring more and more skin? We have been having a long debate in the Hooters thread about this very subject. Several visitors have suggested I am being closed minded by not accepting Hooters and their image of women. I think Hooters is projecting a warped image of womanhood and I refuse to let my daughters get tangled up in thinking that it is ok to dress that way. I am not attacking anyone who has worked there or eaten a meal at Hooters. I am simply objecting to the image of Hooters. It takes only a moment or two on the Hooters web site (www.hooters.com – I refuse to embed a link to them) to see what I mean. They refer to themselves as “tacky and unrefined,” which in my opinion infers that the women you find there must also be “tacky and unrefined”. Is that how we women want to be labeled?
I really could go on and on about this topic, but I’d like to open this up for discussion now. I don’t intend to change society or shut down a Hooters restaurant by voicing my opinion here, but my purpose and the purpose of Girls Can’t WHAT? is to educate women. Part of that education includes modesty, self-esteem and how we see ourselves as women. What are we teaching the younger generations here?
8 comments
Bop
Not to bash your ideas, because that never gets anyone anywhere, but I think that its okay to wear whatever you want…(im not suggesting that you said it wasn’t but whatever). The fact is that women want to dress sexy because they know they ARE sexy and they dont mind men looking at them or leering. See, women, most at least, leer at hot guys too…its a two way street.
Kel1
Oh, sure. THAT should be easy. :))
gretchen
Yeah – there’s no magic bullet for this issue. Ultimately it is up to us adult women to set the example and to teach the younger ones. Unfortunately it looks like maybe we need to start by educating some adults first. :-?
Kel1
But the problem is, we find that the only ones who get male attention are the ones who dress provocatively. And at an adolescent age when it’s “sooo important” for girls to be seen as “pretty,” it’s hard for them when they see the boys’ heads turn when scantily clad girls walk by.
Ideally, teaching them to respect themselves is what we need to do. But it would have to be a very strong arsenal that we give them, because society and Hollywood standards, etc, will continue to give them the exact OPPOSITE idea of what we’re trying to teach them.
gretchen
Excellent points, Beth. You nailed it with “I think the issue is teaching our girls to respect themselves so as not to make themselves look like they want to be taken advantage of.” =d>
Kel1
Oh, BRAVA, Beth!!! Well said. It IS the “male idea of beauty” that has set the standard here.
I never really looked at it that way before; excellent point.
Beth
I don’t think the issue is “modesty”, I think the issue is teaching our girls to respect themselves so as not to make themselves look like they want to be taken advantage of. Women who dress in provocative ways are clearly leaning toward the “male” ideal of beauty. And while all women are able to make the choice as to what they feel comfortable wearing, it’s important that our young girls find worth in who they are, not in how they dress, or how much of their bodies they show. It’s a sad fact that this society’s beauty factor is ruled by what men see is beautiful. I am not male bashing. It’s a fact that men have driven the beauty ideal for centuries. The female body has always been seen as a source of “lust” and that leads to alot of warped views of sexuality. So I believe we need to teach our young girls (I have two daughters) that if they want to have merit and value, dressing like a whore is not the way to do it. Self respect is very important in my opinion. I agree with the statement from the previous commenter, “we™re teaching the younger generations that what matters is your “sexiness”, not your character or sense of self worth.” It’s only going to change if we parents step up and begin teaching things differently.
Kel1
I’m still laughing about the “flossing my behind” comment. =))
In short, we’re teaching the younger generations that what matters is your “sexiness”, not your character or sense of self worth.
And if anyone thinks that your appearance and character aren’t linked, they should really think back to high school, or look at some celebs and connect their “images” with the sorts of clothing (or lack thereof) that they are known to wear (*cough*BritneySpears*cough*).
It isn’t just behavior that gives people the wrong idea about you, it’s how you choose to represent yourself as a whole.
If I walked around (as one baseball player’s wife recently did), with a shirt that said “F— you” on the back of it, would that make a statement about me, my attitude, and how I view myself and the world? I think it would. She did this in front of children, and parents were outraged. Why?
Should they not have been just as outraged if she had worn a skimpy top, exposing her body parts to those same impressionable young children?
When I was a kid, I had a book that was called something like, “It’s a TopsyTurvy World.” And in it, the family did everything backwards or upside down, like eating breakfast on the ceiling.
We may not eat on the ceiling (well, not in MY house :P), but things sure seem backwards in the world today.