Book Review: What Happy Women Know

Being as fanatic about books as I am, it is always exciting when someone asks me to review their latest work. It is even more fun when it is a subject that interests me. The latest resident of my book bag has been none other than What Happy Women Know: How New Findings in Positive Psychology Can Change Women’s Lives for the Better by Dan Baker, PhD and Cathy Greenberg, PhD.

My first thought when asked to review another psychology book for women is that this was going to be “just another psychology book for women”. Trust me, I have read a LOT of Psychology books for women and most of them are good. Very few of them have been deemed worthy of my limited shelf space nor worthy of my time to read again. Having said all that, What Happy Women Know was a fresh change of pace from the usual confront-your-past-and-move-on kind of advice.

The book is laid out in 10 easy chapters with chapters two through nine covering some basic snares that women fall prey to such as perfectionism, revenge and people pleasing. Intertwined into each subject are personal stories from women who faced challenges in these areas and their methods for remaining a healthy, happy individual despite their often traumatic circumstances. Tips and tools are also available to help women build a strategy to get out of the traps they may be holding them back from a happier existence.

While I found every chapter engaging and powerful, I think I especially tuned-in to the subject of perfectionism. These paragraphs in particular got my attention immediately, given that we have addressed the subject of beauty and perfectionism on this site recently.

If evolution explains the genesis of why women feel they must be perfect, our culture seems quite satisfied to perpetuate the situation, and in this case, it may have nothing whatsoever to do with attracting a man. It’s also about being good enough and feeling secure with who you are.

Nowhere is the trap of perfectionism more rampant than in the way women view themselves from the vantage point of an outsider looking in.

Naomi Wolf, in her 2001 bestseller The Beauty Myth, describes the US beauty and fashion industry as a $100 billion-a-year business, with much of that money coming from advertisers and marketing psychologists. The job of these marketers, she says, is to make people feel “not right” unless they buy the consumer goods marketed to make them feel “right.” The message is reinforced everywhere you look. You need earplugs and a blindfold to miss it. Who sponsors the Miss America Pageants? Revlon beauty products. Who sponsors American Idol? Diet Coke. You see the trend?

The body type of a Tyra Banks is found in 1 in 200,000 women, yet Tyra and her supermodel sister are held up as icons for every woman to emulate. Who cares if the goal is unrealistic and unattainable? If 199,999 women are unhappy with themselves, that is just what cosmetic companies, spas, and plastic surgeons are looking for – they’re worth billions.

And the advice offered to counter the perfectionism trap is priceless.

Eventually, What Happy Women Know will find a well-deserved home on my bookshelf, but I’m not yet ready to part with it. There is so much information to absorb that I intend to keep it in my book bag a while longer and browse back through some sections of interest. This is one of those books that can benefit every woman, no matter what her stage in life. It should also be made required reading for high school girls in hopes that they would avoid some of the pitfalls the authors have so clearly identified. :)

Dan Baker is also the founding director of the Life Enhancement Program at Canyon Ranch and the author of What Happy People Know.