Dear Teenage Girl…

Every day is a challenge for you. You get up early and spend the time you’d rather be sleeping fixing your hair and make-up, and picking out an outfit that is acceptable to your peers. Because if you don’t, that one girl who models herself after Regina from “Mean Girls” will be certain to point out your brand new shoes aren’t the “real” brand and she will do it in front of the entire class. You will end up feeling humiliated and defeated before the bell for first period ever rings.

The teachers aren’t much help. You can talk to a few of them, but they are busy with other things. Sometimes they seem to be on the right side of things, but other times you feel like you live in opposite universes. There’s a lot of pressure to do well in class and sometimes you’re just too tired to stay focused. Probably because you had to get up so early to do your hair.

A few times during study hall you’ve gone to see the school counselor. Your counselor is nice and all, but she can’t exactly wave a magic wand and make things better, can she? When she talks to you, you feel like she understands but the time is short and she only offers surface solutions that don’t seem to work for you.

Your friends are another story. They are like you in many ways, but still you question whether they really like you for who you are and if today will be the day they turn on you or ditch you for their latest crush. You are surrounded by dozens of people every day, yet you feel alone. Am I right so far?

And the boys? Well, they aren’t making your life any easier. They tease and torment you for just about everything. Some of them are cool and all, but you try to avoid most of them when you can. It’s easier to hide than to hear another put down. Or only having your existence acknowledged when someone needs a quick answer to a homework assignment because you’re a smarty pants. And everything is so awkward these days. Does he “like” like me or does he just like me as a friend? Should I speak up or run away? What do I even say to them?

And how is life at home? Parents are busy people. You barely see them. You often think that if they would only take the time to understand you, then life would be a whole lot better. But you feel like that’s never going to happen in this century.

And then there’s that one girl at school who seems to have it all together. You watch her. You study her. Everyone likes her. Why is that? What makes her so special? What is she doing that makes her life look so magical and perfect? Is she prettier? Smarter? Lucky? Was she just born that way?

The Dirty Little Secret

Allow me to fill you in on a little secret. I know all about “that girl” and what makes her so cool. I’ve been studying this topic for years. And I can tell you exactly what makes her happy, well-adjusted and liked by so many people. I can tell you why she has friends and why the teachers like her so much. I can tell you why she appears to have such amazing luck and why life seems easy for her. I can give you specific things you can do right now that will change your life.

I’m going to give these tips to you on one condition. Please share this article with at least one other person in your life. It doesn’t have to be a teenage girl. Just look around and find someone you think will be encouraged by what I’m about to reveal. If you feel awkward about sending this to someone personally, then post it on Facebook or print it out and mail it anonymously. Just promise me that after I help you, that you will help someone else. Learning these techniques isn’t meant to be a selfish act. You will want others to know how they, too, can be transformed into a happier, healthier person. Are you ready to find out more?

Find the Love

I wanted to call this point “Love Yourself” but I knew if I did that you would stop reading. How many times have you heard that one? How are you supposed to just “love yourself”? That doesn’t make any sense. I totally agree. So let’s start simple. Let’s start with like. What do you like about yourself? Are you smart? Great at spelling? Have awesome eyebrows? What about you do YOU like? Make a list.

No seriously. I’m not playing. Write it down.

Now what do other people like about you? If you’re not sure, ask around. People have no problems telling you. Go on out to Facebook and post “what do you like most about me?” and read the responses. If anyone responds negatively, delete them (more on that in a minute). Go back through scrapbooks or emails or whatever you have lying around that might have comments or little notes on them. Or think about what people most often compliment you for. Write those things down.

If you did the homework, and wrote down the responses, you now have a “like” list. This is your first step to loving yourself. From now on, you are going to look at that list every day. You can add to it at anytime.  As you hear a compliment or do something that makes you happy, write it down. As you read through the list every day, say out loud to yourself “I like myself”. It helps if you can do this in a mirror while looking yourself in the eye.

You have no reason not to like yourself. You have a list. Eventually, you will start to love yourself for who you are. The list is only the first step, but it’s the most important one. Do it. It works.

Say Bye Bye to the Downers

This is a biggie. There’s a lot of negativity the world. And when you get to be an adult… it’s still there. If you can learn to manage it now, you’ll be unstoppable as you mature.

Seriously unstoppable.

Like Wonder Woman unstoppable.

In order to get to the point where you love yourself, you have to shed the negative stuff in your life. Some things are unavoidable, so focus on the things you can control. And quite honestly, you will find most things are well within your control. That self-love I was harping on above? Well that has a lot to do with how much control you have. The more you love yourself, the more control you have. It’s not some ridiculous psychological BS. It’s the truth.

Most of the negativity in your life comes from – surprise – other people. Yup. It’s almost always a people problem. Take a look around you and start paying attention to people and study them. Watch what they say, what they post and how they act. If it makes you angry or sad or causes any sort of negative emotions, remove them from your life.

If you can’t get away from a family member or a teacher, don’t sweat that for now. Start with what you can control. Delete people on Facebook, stop reading magazines that make you feel bad about yourself. Don’t visit gossip web sites if they make you angry. You get the idea.

And the bonus? You will feel better and better every time you get rid of something that is weighing you down. You will literally get high on that feeling and it will make you want to eliminate more and more negative things.

Extra Tip: Afraid to stir up trouble by blocking or deleting someone? Just hide their posts. You get the negativity out of your life and no one gets their feelings hurt. Most social media apps have this feature.

The Good Stuff

Now with all that negative crud making an exit, you’ve got some empty space to fill. Here are my suggestions… if you have other ideas, please feel free to share them in the comments below. I like to start my day off with a few inspirational quotes or stories. I typically gather this info from Facebook. If you visit the Girls Can’t WHAT? Facebook page, you will see that I share “the good stuff” with you every day. Watch what I post and add some of those pages I share (like Toward the Stars, Amazing Women Rock and SheHeroes) to your feed. It is incredibly encouraging to read nothing but good news and empowering quotes first thing in the morning or any time I am on social media.

But…You still have a people problem. You’ve got negative people you can’t avoid. What do we do with those folks? Again start with the ones you can control. Always hanging out with “Debby Downer” on Friday night? Make new plans (and send her a link to this article – sounds like she could use the help, too!). There are many different ways to deal with negative people. I’m going to be tackling this subject more in the coming weeks.

Oh and this is the easiest one of all!

Smile. Right now. Do it. Just smile. Don’t fake it or act like you’re taking a cheesy photo. Just smile as big and as boldly as you can. If you need help, take a look at this photo. How can you not smile at a cute puppy? Laugh if you want. It’s all good.

Smiling has the biggest affect on your emotions and they way you feel in general. “That girl” knows it. That’s why she’s always smiling. That’s why she always looks happy. I will go more in depth on this topic in future posts as well.

There are actually a lot of different things you can do to transform into “that girl” – the one who seems so “lucky”. But it has nothing to do with luck. Anyone can achieve that level of happiness and contentment. If I were to list every tip I’ve learned in my studies, I would end up writing a book. But I don’t want to write a book. I want you to know these things now.

So I’ve created a series of posts on this very topic. You can check back here every week or get articles delivered to your inbox by subscribing to my newsletter in the box below. You can ask me questions, post comments and more. I want to hear from you and help you get there – wherever “there” is for you (it’s different for everyone).

You are a rock star. Don’t ever let anyone tell you you’re not! Now get out there and share this with someone else who needs to read it. And let me know your thoughts in the comments below.