Denial and Bumps in the Road

“Adoption was never really considered, because I don’t want my sons internalizing the fact that I am willing to give up their brother or sister….I made a choice to end two pregnancies. I made a choice to continue to give my two sons the time and attention that they deserve. I made a choice to not burden our family financially. I made a choice to spend more time with my husband and to help our relationship, as not only parents, but as lifetime partners, flourish. I don’t regret my decisions and I’m not sorry.”

“My husband and I decided that we unable to care for another child since he works 70 hours a week and I am a full time student and work full time. I didn’t feel guilty about our decision only about not taking precautions so we didn’t have to make a choice….” (Emphases mine)

(Both quotes taken from www.imnotsorry.net)

Go ahead. Go back and read them again. See anything unusual about the logic here? I am not trying to belittle these women and their experiences. In fact, it makes me sad to read what they went through, and to read of the choices they made. I am, however, using their statements to bring some things to light about abortion and womanhood.

The consensus I find is that many of the women who abort do not call their children “children.” They refer to their own unborn child as “it” or “the pregnancy” or the more scientifically accepted term, “fetus” (which actually means “offspring” or “young one.”) I find that tragic, especially since they say “I’m not sorry.” What I’d like to say to these women is, “if you’re ‘not sorry,’ then why do you refuse to call your child a child?” They and the pro-choice movement (btw, abortion is the only “choice” they seem to promote, as the consensus I find in these testimonials is “If I gave birth to the baby, I couldn’t give it up to someone else.” Therefore, even adoption isn’t viewed as a valid “choice” in these cases) have perpetuated the idea that denying the humanity of the form that is killed (a neutral term as opposed to “murder”) somehow benefits all involved. These women who come forward and say “I had an abortion and I’m not sorry!!” have various reasons for their choice. Some seem to say “career” or “I already had children and couldn’t bear my other kids knowing I had ‘given up’ their brother or sister for adoption” (but they have no problem exterminating that life), but others seem to say “I was in this horrible relationship and we couldn’t stand each other and it was awful, awful, and then I found out I was pregnant.” –cue me wearing a dumbfounded expression- Then why, dear, sweet, misguided woman, were you with this person to begin with? Why were you giving yourself to this person sexually or even emotionally? WHY? We, as women, have bought the lie that claims “empowerment” means we can do whatever we want with whomever we want and never have to accept any ill consequences. We have bought the lie that the women’s movement is somehow about trampling over anyone who gets in the way of “me, myself and I”–including our unborn children. But listen, if you will, to what two the great pioneers of women’s rights in this country had to say on this matter:

“When we consider that women are treated as property, it is degrading to women that we should treat our children as property to be disposed of as we see fit.” –Elizabeth Cady Stanton’s Letter to Julia Ward Howe, October 16, 1873, recorded in Howe’s diary at Harvard University Library

“Guilty? Yes. No matter what the motive, love of ease, or a desire to save from suffering the unborn innocent, the woman is awfully guilty who commits the deed. It will burden her conscience in life, it will burden her soul in death; But oh, thrice guilty is he who drove her to the desperation which impelled her to the crime!” –Susan B. Anthony

Think about THIS, woman: If we think it is horrid to prescribe to a woman “virginity soap” then how could pressuring her (directly or indirectly) to have an abortion be any less sinister and sick? If you want to know what I really think, it’s that abortion has helped predatory men to continue their deeds. How many irresponsible men have been let off the hook because a woman said “I don’t need this hassle. And it’s my body, so I decide”? First of all…you must adjust your life to cope with your new circumstances. You may not want “a hassle,” but being inconvenienced or having to “deal” with real world issues is just part of life. Grow up and get on with it, since you have (in 98% of cases) chosen to act as a mature adult by engaging in a consensual sexual relationship. Now you have yourself and another life to consider. Overcoming selfishness is a sign of maturity. (And if you’re in a relationship that isn’t open to children, use a reliable, responsible and consistent method of pregnancy prevention, please.) Secondly…it’s not “your body” that will be ripped from you with a vacuum aspirator or other instrument of choice. You could be carrying a male child, and YOU are a female…is that male child just another one of your organs? Of course not. And what if that child is a female? If you are for women’s rights, then what of the rights of that female growing within you? Does she then have no rights merely because of her size, location, or lack of convenient timing?
Are we as women condemning other women to death? After all, about half of all pregnancies and/or abortions would be female.

Have you ever thought about it that way?

I know…what about rape and incest? (Which, by the way, account for less than 2 percent of all abortions.) Rape and incest are horrible. Inexcusable. So…naturally…we should take the victim and submit her to further humiliation, violating her body through abortion. Right? Because, after all, it is the unborn child’s fault that its mother was raped. Right? And of course, the child would be hated by everyone purely because it was conceived through rape or incest. Right? And the mother would surely hate it-even though the child is her own. Right? Think. Reason. Can we undo an injustice by adding to it?

I never cease to be amazed at the depths of our denial in this society. We have now chosen to deny that our very children (small, yes, but they can be nothing other than human genetically) are not human. It seems that though we grant “personhood status” to some in society at last (and it took abolitionists YEARS to accomplish this), we now deny the humanity of others…the most vulnerable among us. And let’s not forget that the most vocal advocates of abortion are typically the ones who also say that even if a “fetus” who was intended for abortion is born alive and has viability (and yes, it does happen in some second and third trimester abortions)…that the child should be left to die. They used to leave these children struggling to breathe in soiled utility rooms. Until the whistle was blown. (Thank you, Jill Stanek. www.jillstanek.com). Now they give them “comfort care”–wrapping them in blankets and rocking them while they refuse to give them the oxygen and/or other medical treatment that they actually need to survive. Rocking them while allowing them to suffocate in a matter of hours. More humane than the trash bin? Possibly. Acceptable? Not hardly.

I urge anyone considering these issues to visit an informative site… it is called “Feminists for Life” (www.feministsforlife.org). I realize that there is much debate on this topic…and much screaming and yelling often ensues when this subject is breached. However, I am not trying to pick a fight…just to make people think. Especially when the lives of our women (who are dying on a regular basis from legalized abortion) and of our future generations are at stake.

Girls CAN be responsible for their actions. Girls CAN be whatever they want to be, even IF they encounter unplanned pregnancies and carry them to term. Girls CAN do it all…raise their children, live responsibly, and have the careers they desire. They CAN prove to their future generations that anything is possible…even when there are bumps in the road. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

(The opinions expressed in this blog are clearly my own and are not necessarily the opinions of the administrator of this site.)