Note: This article is full of resources and information you will want to refer back to often as you are working through it. You may want to bookmark it or email the link to yourself for safe-keeping.
Ever take one of those personality tests on Facebook? They always tell you what you already know. And what is a 5 question manipulative test created by a bored teenager really going to tell you about yourself?
Life is a journey of self-discovery. You probably already know that. But how do you know who you really are beyond a simple test? Beyond what people tell you and beyond what you think about yourself? Do you know how other people see you?
It’s not an elusive concept. You can discover the real you and learn exactly how other people see you. But do you know what the best part is? You can use your discovery to take charge of your life and your relationships. You can learn to read people, handle situations that make you uncomfortable, find a rewarding career and much more. This is not a magic potion, it’s as simple as doing some research and making a few honest observations about yourself.
What’s the catch?
Yes – there is a teeny, tiny catch. You can’t just take a little test and get the answer. The journey starts with a test, but true discovery doesn’t stop there. You don’t want someone’s arbitrary questions to pigeon-hole you into someone you aren’t meant to be. Real science requires that you do research and analyzation. If you really want to know more about yourself and why you do the things you do they way you do them and why people react to you the way they do, then you have to really commit to this process. You’ll have to experiment. That’s why I didn’t title this post “Discover who you really are in 5 minutes“. It’s going to take some time to put all the pieces together before you get to see the big picture. I’m not trying to just throw out a cliche here for kicks, but you really are only going to get out of this what you put into it. Fair enough?
My disclaimer
The foundation you are about to lay will be worth it in every aspect of your life. I can promise you that much. I’m not out to sell you anything. I don’t have an ebook or a coaching package. I’m just offering you my experience and insights and pointing out the shortcuts and pitfalls you’ll want to watch out for along the way.
No, I’m not a self-help guru, a therapist or life coach. I’m just someone who has been there, done that and is willing to share my experience and my resources with you so you can make the same discoveries. Consider me a guide who’s here to help because I enjoy this subject and I enjoy helping others learn about it as well. If you’ve got questions, post them below. Feedback is going to be a huge part of this process for you.
Let’s get started…
One of the keys to a happy, fulfilling life is knowing who you are and how you best interact with the world around you. When you know what your preferences are and how to be on your “A game” at all times, life becomes much easier to manage for you and those who interact with you. We’re all wired differently. Sometimes what we think we are… isn’t the whole picture. Sometimes we act certain ways because our thinking is backwards or we’re modeling behavior that doesn’t suit our preferences. Some people are completely miserable in life because they are on a path that makes them feel out-of-control, lost or just plain angry all the time. Does that sound familiar?
We’ve all been there at some point. What I’m about to share are some insights to move you out of that rut and onto a path towards a more enjoyable life.
Preparation
You may want to keep a pen and paper handy or be prepared to take notes in some fashion. You are about to become a serious researcher and you will be collecting a lot of information along the way. Because we are all individuals using ourselves as the subject matter, I can only point you in the general direction. You will have to assess the data and determine which items are worth saving for further evaluation, exploration and experimentation.
Now would also be a good time to go grab your favorite beverage. This is going to be a fairly lengthy post which is why I suggest you bookmark it or email the link to yourself for future reference.
Moving beyond the personality test
Yeah, you have to take a little test first. Stop rolling your eyes. This is the entry level task. If you already know your personality type, that’s great. You’re ahead of the game. However, we are going to delve much farther into this than reading the results of a personality test. Bear with me. We have to have a starting point so for those who have never done this step before, we’re going to start with the Meyers-Briggs test.
You can actually take this test online, however I want to add one caution: DO NOT RUSH THROUGH IT! It’s pretty lengthy at 72 questions. When you first dive into this, it’s easy just to skim down the list and start marking yes and no without thinking it through. This is the biggest mistake people make with this type of test. They think they know the answer, but it’s not their true answer (more on that below). Even at a slower pace, you may still answer these questions in a way that is not true to your nature. We’re going to fix that on our journey but for now, do the best that you can and copy/paste your results into your notes.
Click here to take an online version of test. Go ahead. I’ll be right here when you get back.
No really – who ARE you?
By now you’ve probably read through your type description and nodded your head, smiled and agreed with a few of the assessments. You may have even laughed at yourself. If you were really curious, you probably Googled your type and read a few more descriptions and maybe even discovered a blog or two by people with your same type. Good for you. You’re hot on the trail of self-discovery.
Now I’m going to throw a wrench into this whole process. Your test results could be wrong. You may not be who you think you are. You may be doing things that are contradictory to what you would find comfortable and pleasurable and not even know it. You may be subconsciously making yourself miserable. And the worst part? Your test “results” could be reinforcing concepts that rub you the wrong way and sabotaging your style.
But they’re close enough, right? And it’s not a one-size fits all so I really think this is me so why are you trying to complicate things?
For some people, the results of the Meyers-Briggs testing are pretty accurate. But for others, the test results are slightly skewed and they just don’t know it yet. This is where the journey really begins.
How you can accidentally flunk the test
A personality test is just a set of questions. It doesn’t know you. It can’t see you objectively and most people can’t see themselves objectively either, which is why the results of these tests can be skewed. Many times, participants will answer a particular question according to what they would ideally like to do in that situation rather than what they truly prefer to do. That is one of the really difficult things to discern. And there’s no built-in lie detector on the test to help you out. Not that you’re outright lying, but let’s face it, we humans frequently deceive ourselves.
So there are 2 camps – people with correct results and people with incorrect results. How do you know which group you fall into? I can’t tell you. This is where the self-discovery part starts to take shape. This is where you start to research and evaluate. If that makes you mad because you wanted a quick answer, then you’re probably not cut out for this. That’s fine. You’ll do ok in life but you’re probably not going to be fully aware of how you can make it better for yourself and for others.
For those of you still with me… you’re the trailblazers, the ones who will improve the world beyond what we know it to be today. You’re the ones that truly care about others and how you can help them live better lives. You’re the ones who will take the time to begin to analyze your results and decide if they really suit your true self. You won’t put yourself in a box because some description says you’re square. You will persevere until you find out precisely what makes you tick and create your own shape. You will follow the trails below because you are driven to know the real you and how you can make an impact in your world.
If you flunk and find out (after completing a few of the trails below) that you really aren’t who you thought you were (or what the test result said you were), don’t be mad. Don’t beat yourself up. It’s not your fault. You did nothing wrong. You’ve simply done what a lot of people do when they answer questions of that nature in that type of scenario. By accepting that and being real about who you are and how you perceive the world, you are ahead of the pack in living a creative life that you enjoy to the fullest.
How to discover the real you
We’ve covered a lot of ground so far and now we’ve come to a fork in the road. Actually, there are many forks in the road from here. They are all trails designed to provide you with the most thought-provoking material you can imagine.
The paths are not always going to be easy. You have to take the good and the bad. I’m going to explain each trail and tell you what you should be looking for along each one. Take as much time as you need. You can go in any order that makes sense to you. I’m always here to answer questions so you can refer back here as your starting point.
Trail #1: Bring a friend or two
If you can find a few friends willing to work through this process with you this year, then you will all reap the benefits of doing this as a team. I have an excellent working example of the team concept. When my band first got together in 2005, we spent a few practice sessions discovering our personality types and learning about each other. In the 5 years we have been together, we have used that knowledge to work through personal conflicts and move forward with our music. We know each other’s strengths and weaknesses and we communicate and interact maturely and confidently with each other. This has been a key part of our success in the music industry. Complete strangers have commented on how well we work together as a band so I’m not just saying it works. People can see very clearly that it works for us.
So feel free to take a moment and send this article to a few friends or co-workers. Warning: don’t do this unless you are prepared to see those friendships grow.
If you prefer to fly solo, that’s cool, too. You may be the type that likes internet groups or prefers to just research on your own. There’s nothing wrong with this other than you will at some point need to involve someone who knows you personally and interacts with you on a day-to-day basis.
Trail #2: Data Collection
The Internet is full of data on personality types. So is the library if you prefer books. Don’t read the first description of your personality type you find and accept it as doctrine. Study it, make notes and then search for an alternate description on the same type. Study other similar types and see if any of those fit. You may find you fit into several of the types depending on the role you happen to be playing at the time (mother, student, co-worker, etc.). What you’re looking for is the one that you prefer to be when no one else is around and society is not enforcing norms for you to follow. This can be tricky and you may bounce back and forth among a couple of them. That’s perfectly fine. The good news is you don’t have to be proficient in all the types You should be able to narrow it down.
If your friends are also participating, you can check the type relationships to see if your type makes sense based on your friend’s findings. With my band, we found these type relationships to be pretty accurate once we confirmed our true personalities and were able to understand how we each liked to operate and be treated within the group.
Trail #3: Feedback
I mentioned earlier that feedback was going to be important. Dont just phone the first person on your recent calls list. Think about this choice carefully. The person(s) you are going to ask must be trustworthy and honest. They must not be afraid to provide you with the truth.
Show them the description for your test results. Ask if they think it fits or if any parts of it seem off or not in character for you. Listen. If your friend is open and honest, you will gain some pretty important insights into whether your results are mostly correct or if your answers were skewed. I would advise you try to get feedback from more than one person if possible. Each person sees a different side of you and will have a different perspective than the next. Tap into that as much as possible.
Trail #4: Acceptance
Each personality type has weaknesses. That doesn’t make you a weak person. Many people have learned how to compensate for their weakness or know how to avoid situations in which their weakness is exposed. Nothing wrong with that. If you’re doing this as a group, you can learn (as my band did) how to use these effectively.
What you have to do as an individual is accept the negative traits that come with the territory and learn how to cope with them in a reasonable and mature way. It’s easy to say “I don’t act that way” because you’ve overcome a particular issue while turning a blind eye to other areas where you’re underdeveloped. Study your weaknesses and accept that you have some limitations and areas where you can grow. Knowing how this affects your interactions with other people can be life-changing.
Once you have accepted the weak spots, research coping mechanisms and find out how others with your same type handle them. You will find a lot of creative ideas from people who have been there and done that and are willing to share their thoughts.
Trail #5: Skepticism
Don’t buy into everything you read. You have to take this stuff with a grain of salt. Don’t be so serious with yourself. NO ONE fits these exact models down to the last detail. There will always be at least one item on the list that doesn’t really “fit” you. The personality types are merely a general starting point. They have been highly researched and can be very accurate. One person’s description is simply that – one person’s description. That’s why I highly recommend reading as many resources as you can find before confirming you “fit” a certain type.
That being said, it is still important to be skeptical of your first results. Especially if you are new to this sort of self-discovery.
Trail #6: Pop Quiz
This trail is annoying but necessary. You have to take the test again. And again. But not all at once.
As you learn more about yourself, you’re going to want to be sure you are answering the test questions as accurately as possible. I recommend taking the test from a variety of viewpoints. The first time you take it, answer as if all the questions relate to school or work. Then take it again at a different time from the perspective of personal relationships, or your hobby, etc.
Give yourself a pop quiz every now and then. Take it when you’re on vacation. Take it when you’re stressed. Take it at various points in your life and you will start to see patterns emerge. You may fluctuate between two types depending on the situation. Some people even shift from one to another as they get older. Knowing your preferences and how they emerge in any given situation can help you make good choices and communicate clearly with those around you.
Trail #7: Test Drive
Once you think you know your type, take it for a test drive. This may sound weird, because if it’s your type then you’re already test driving it, right?
What I mean by this is to find a group of like-minded people. Find other people with the type you think you are. It may be someone within your group of friends or a forum on the internet. Interact with them. Ask questions. Test the model. Do you get along well? Does it fit you? If anything seems quirky or feels uncomfortable, make a note of it and keep testing.
For years I tested as a particular type. I researched it heavily and could tell you every detail about it. But something never quite felt right. I did things the way that type was supposed to do things, but it never felt comfortable. It felt a little rigid and forced until one day I decided to find out exactly what wasn’t working.
It turns out I was testing as a type I thought I should be but in reality, my preferences were leaning in a different direction. Once I realized that and shifted gears, the world suddenly made a lot more sense and I felt a lot better about how I operated.
I failed the original test. It happens.
However, when I started applying all 7 ideas above, my true personality started to take shape. Not that I was pretending to be someone else all along – that wasn’t it. I had been “me” the whole time. What I discovered is that it was ok to be me, even when “me” didn’t fit in with what everyone else was doing. I learned that my work style is ok and I don’t have to do things they way other people do them. My thoughts are my thoughts even if they don’t agree with other people. And that’s ok. But we all know that it’s ok to be ourselves, right?
What I really learned was what works for me. I discovered the way I really like things to be. I stopped trying to do things they way I thought I should do them and did them the way I preferred to do them. What a world of difference! I was getting the same things done as before but with a lot less resistance. I was happier. I was healthier and things started making sense to me. I understood why I acted the way I did and why people reacted to me the way they did. I learned how to accept my weak spots and then use that knowledge to make those relationships better.
Is life perfect now?
Not by along shot, but it’s easier to manage and it makes sense. And I sure needed it to make sense and make me feel like I fit in somewhere. Don’t you?
Share the knowledge
Sharing knowledge is how we make the world better. It wouldn’t do us any good to solve world hunger and not tell anyone (yes, I stole that idea from the Grinch). When I share my thoughts with others, I learn from their feedback and their viewpoints. Discussions help me learn more about myself and how I function in the world. I’m sharing this with you, in part, because I enjoy the feedback just as much as I love sharing what I’ve learned.
So tell me, what have you learned in this process? What are you hoping to discover? Is there anything you’d like to learn more about?
