Responsibility – Own It

I met Jenn* on the first day I set foot on the campus of Millikin University to start a four-year journey known as college. Jenn was a year or two older than me and lived in the same dorm. She was fun to hang out with although we had very little in common. During the spring of that first year, Jenn and I decided to start working out together. I had always been athletic and I was missing that now that my focus had shifted from sports to music since entering college. Jenn wasn’t much of an athlete, but she wanted to get into shape so we opted to buddy-up and at least make it fun. I had no idea I was about to learn a lesson that would stick with me every day for the rest of my life.

Jenn and I set up a schedule to meet 3-4 times a week and our routine was to hit the track around 6 or 7 in the evening when it was cool and the field was less crowded by the athletic teams. The first few times we went out to run the track, I ended up walking with Jenn the last couple of laps. No big deal. There were other groups of girls out jogging and walking as well, so we blended right in. I didn’t mind slowing down because I was still getting a workout and Jenn was excited that she was starting to lose some weight. She often joked that she not only gained her “freshman 15,” but her “sophomore and junior 15” as well. I encouraged her in every way I could and she was really starting to see exercise as beneficial instead of drudgery.

About six-weeks into our homemade training sessions, my work schedule got rearranged and my hours were shifted to evenings. I talked to Jenn about this and we agreed to meet as soon as I got off work, which could be anywhere from 9-10:30 in the evening. The first night, Jenn was ready when I got there and we headed out to the track. As we jogged around, Jenn commented that she wasn’t a night owl and she really didn’t like the late hours. I told her that I wasn’t thrilled with them either (although I am a late night person) but that I had to just adapt to my circumstances for now because my school and work schedule were dictated by other people. I told her she could join another group of girls that ran earlier in the evening if she wanted to and it wouldn’t hurt my feelings. She shrugged and and said “maybe”.

The next night, I got home closer to 10:30pm, changed clothes and headed to Jenn’s room. I found her in her pajamas, curled up on her bed watching tv. I figured she must have gone out with the other group to run, so I asked her about it. She said no, she had waited for me but when I didn’t show up at 9pm, she gave up and decided to call it a night. So I went out and ran by myself.

Each night, Jenn gave me the same spiel – she had waited for me but *I* wasn’t getting there “on time”. I kept mentioning that she could run with the other group, but each night she refused. Meanwhile, Jenn started blaming me for her lack of exercise. She believed it was somehow my responsibility to help her stay in shape. I finally quit stopping by her dorm to ask her to go with me.

Usually when I learn one of those “life lessons”, it’s because I did something wrong or stupid. This time, I learned the lesson through observation. At first I was a little mad at Jenn whining about her weight creeping back on and accusing me of not caring, but I slowly began to realize that it was not my burden to carry. Jenn was responsible for Jenn. She needed to own her responsibility.

We lost touch not too long after that and Jenn didn’t come back to school the next year either. Looking back on things, I see that Jenn’s lack of responsibility also carried over into her studies and her life in general. It had affected her in more ways than she even realized.

My encounter with Jenn taught me that I am responsible for me. No matter what happens in my life, I am responsible. Circumstances can happen to me, but ultimately I am responsible. The choices I make and the way I react to those circumstances are my responsibility. Blaming other people and blaming the circumstances themselves do nothing but lower my self-esteem and mar my integrity in the eyes of others.

Jenn had every opportunity to continue her training, yet she refused to own up the responsibility. Though I tried to help and encourage her, the blaming and accusations eventually wore me down. I lost respect for her and our friendship essentially disintegrated. I am, however, grateful that the lesson was not lost on me. Not that I always make the most responsible choices in my every day living, but I have at least become aware of how my thoughts and actions are shaping my world. I think being consistently accountable for yourself is one of the best character traits a person can possess. It is a daily challenge own up to your personal actions. A challenge, but one with amazing results. If you want to take charge of your life, first take responsibility for your own actions.

*Names have been changed to protect myself from retaliation should “Jenn” ever read this and recognize herself. ;)