I received the ultimate compliment this week. Not just once, but twice! I showed up for practice with the praise band and there were two guys there to audition for drums. Up until that point, I was the only drummer for the band. Now, I don’t mind sharing the spot and I was willing to let the boys play, so after the first set I spun around on my throne, handed my sticks to the first guy and said “ok, you’re up.”
He looked at me nervously and said “Are you going to watch? I’d feel so much better if you weren’t around. I am not near as good as you!” That was followed by some shaky laughter and then I realized he was serious! When a guy drummer admits he is not as good as you – that is one of the best feelings in the world. So to spare him further embarassment, I thanked him and turned to face the second guy who was standing behind me on the other side. Again, I extended my sticks and said “How about you?” He said “I don’t know…I can’t play like THAT? You’re really good.” Where was the video camera when that happened? That is a “Behind the Music” moment!
Well, I had to duck out of practice early to attend a school event with my daughters, so they got their moment of privacy with my kit. I asked the band leader later what his thoughts were about their audition and he said “they need some work.” One of the guys even came up to me later and asked if I would give him some lessons. I told him I don’t have the time right now, but he was welcome to continue to come to rehearsals and I would work with him.
Just so you all don’t think I have a big head (NO comments from my band members or you’re all fired!), I do appreciate their compliments. Usually the guy drummers I have run across have egos the size of Texas and they like to talk up their skills like they are the next John Bonham. I think guys who admit that a girl can play better deserve a round of applause for their humbleness and being able to express it without arrogance. The whole incident reminds me of the Oprah quote which reads:
“Excellence is the best deterrent to racism or sexism.” So true. It’s not about being a girl who can play better than a guy. It’s about being a drummer that strives for excellence.
13 comments
?????
SSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOO TRUE You know what else? Whenever a girl gives a guy a compliment, they think that she likes him(I know this by watching others, not personal experience) which is why I never compliment guys.
AmyStephen
Nicely said. Excellence is the best deterrent to racism or sexism.
brcain9
Thanks Gretchen. As you can see, I really like to ramble on. The paragraphs didn’t come through though, so this was all one paragraph. That’s gotta make it hard to read! Oh well.
Great site!
gretchen
Awesome! Elizabeth – you rock! =D>
Brcain9
I think my greatest compliment was when a guitar player and songwriter I highly respect said, “I’d rather play with you that with some of the flashiest pro’s I’ve known.”
The skill level of the complimenter doesn’t matter, what matters is the respect. That someone who knows how difficult your job is has said that you are just that good.
I play bass. Not fancy, not a guitar player masquerading as a bass player because nobody else wanted to do it, I just play bass. I’ll hold up the bottom end, keep things drivin’ along and push the song to where it needs to be. I can get fancy if I really have to, but my main interest is just keepin’ things where they need to be. I work hand in hand with the drummer, and finding a good drummer is really hard to do. When I do, I tend to really kick into another gear.
Gretchen, it sounds like we could really jam it up. I wish you lived here or I lived there, but since we don’t, well, I’ll hit a fat ringin’ A and think of you.
Go girl, and don’t let ’em stop ya!
Andreya
Wow, Gretchen, you ROCK!!
Just saw the link… It’s amazing!!
And yes, I agree, there are guys that pretend to be experts no matter what –
Drumming seems to be a very male-dominated ‘sport’, so GO YOU!!
gretchen
I see your point, but I think you missed part of what I was trying to say. MOST guys will not admit when a girl can play better than they can. I have been in many situations where I out-classed the guy on drums and – no matter what – he would treat me like he was an expert and I was a beginner. I am impressed when a guy can admit that a girl can outplay him. That IS showing respect regardless of that guy’s skill level.
Yes, a compliment from a seasoned pro is awesome, too, but working with people who respect you is priceless.
guest
I don’t get it I would have thought the ultimate compliment would be from a drummer/musician you respect, not something from some random male. Sorry, but I just don’t understand that at all.
gretchen
At least you recognize that it is a THRONE! :D
Leslie
I wish everyone could see Gretchen walking up to her drum “throne”. She knows she’s in charge. WHATEVER GRETCHEN!! :D