Earlier one morning, my husband decided to walk me to the bus stop so I can go to apply for a job. While we were walking down the street, he turns to me and says women should walk on the inside of the street. I was astonished by this that I didn’t know what to say.
But this wasn’t his first sexist comment, he’s told me that women can’t or shouldn’t do a lot of things.
19 comments
Eye Drop Filling Machine
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Tim
I would suggest a different approach. The gentleman should say “Mind if I walk on the outside?” instead of telling the lady to walk on the inside. It’s just a subtle difference in approach that shows he’s a gentleman, not a boss. If she then asks why, he can then say “Well, it’s an old tradition from the days when the man was willing to be the one to take the hit from any sewage that was tossed from an upstairs window, and it also protects you from anything splashed from the street. I’d prefer to carry that on that custom. And, I’d like everything to be perfect for your interview today.”
Make it an opportunity for communication and skip the bossing-around aspect.
Brian J Turner
Yeah, I gotta say it is something I was raised with. As a sign of respect, and as something that deeply resonates with most men, and that is to take simple steps to protect those we love, especially women. In the way back days, walking a woman was done by placing her on the left side to leave your sword arm free for defending her from threats. As our civilization progressed, we began walking them on the inside to protect them from carriages, chamber pots, and being thought of as available for sale. Years further, and we do it to protect them from mud splashes and traffic, but also to protect them from purse snatchings and such too.
No one is saying that women are in any way inferior, no one is suggesting that they NEED doors held open for them, but it is hard wired into men to protect and cherish women. Current sociological pressures from some not withstanding, I think any man that chooses to be chivalrous and does it with good intention and not to be a condescending jerk is to be commended. If someone holds the door for you, and if you don’t like it because you feel it demeans you, please be sensitive to the fact that it the male is doing it most often to show you respect and to be a decent human being. If you have a partner who prefers to walk on the outside of the sidewalk, then consider how much you must mean to them that that they would willingly (in their mind anyway) place themselves into danger to keep you alive and safe. Just saying.
Now, if you’re in a relationship with someone whose “outdated chivalry” offends you, then you two need to have a talk. But if it is a stranger, it is OK to let it go and not rip into someone who is trying to be nice, fulfilling their natural desire to keep you safe, or who is being respectful and polite. So many in society keep trying to beat manners out of men, then complain when they create monsters. lol.
And Ladies who hold a door open for me get a genuine “Thank you” from me. It’s ok. :)
Jason
This custom actually has to do with protecting woman. In the days before indoor plumbing maids would dump the chamber pots out the window. By having the women walk on the inside part of the sidewalk they were less likely to be hit with human bodily waste.
gretchen
Hi Jason – I’m not sure I follow you on this explanation. Wouldn’t the person on the inside be more likely to be hit be something coming from a window since they would be closer?
Sean
Actually you on the outside would be hit by waste since the act of dumping and trying too chuck the waste out and away from the residence towards the muddy or cobblestone street would be the norm so if your closer to the building you would be safer usually.
Todd
Actually not, Gretchen–although I can see why you might think so. In 16th century England, where the tradition originated, most of the buildings had second and third floors built out from the ground floor, over the sidewalk, and thus closer to the street. There were laws governing how far, but this was a way to make your house bigger than the first floor foundation. For this reason, anyone dumping a chamber pot from a window on the second or third floor would be depositing the contents closer to the curb–i.e. closer to the road–than to the wall of the first floor of the building. Thus, as Jason points out above, the woman walking further away from the curb (closer to the wall of the building) would be less likely to be doused with the contents of the chamber pot than the man. Funny how traditions can hang on. This one was definitely well intended.
Erik
I know of this only because it is the women who ask/comment that I should be walking on the outside of the curb. It first occurred when I was a teen, she was 15. She said to me that only bosses who are offering their “girls” walk on the inside to show that their girl is up for grabs. Therefore, if she was my girl I should show this by walking on the outside. I conformed. Since then, I walk anywhere I choose but it comes up frequently. Recently, again I was told by a date, men should walk on the outside of the curb. Keeping in mind what was told to me as a teen and liking this female so much I oblige but I think it is outdated.
Also, she wants me to open doors for her and allow her to go through first. Don’t get me wrong, I hold doors for anyone regardless of gender or age but sometimes I have opened the door politely held it behind me to let her go through but I’ll get a comment that she is to go first.
I am all for an egalitarian society and nowadays women are doing all and many times better than men so who am I to treat them as if they are weaker or less abled? I try to make them happy by conforming but it does get confusing with which will be less offensive!
gretchen
I say walk where you want to walk and don’t make a big deal out of it. This really should be a non-issue.
James
It’s a non issue with a women like you, because only a neutered beta would date a woman who considers basic courtesy and chivalry sexist. You creatures are why I can’t take American women seriously. Nor should any man.
Julia
You can tell I’m a generation older than y’all. My father told me this is done to protect ladies from the splash of mud and such when walking down the street. Remember they used to dump chamber pots out the window, so I suspect it was much appreciated by the ladies. It has little to do with anti-feminism but more with courtesy. Just remember you’re supposed to walk on the inside and move on.
gretchen
I would agree with you for the most part Kel, but if he’s going to make suggestions like that he might be smarter to explain his reasoning. If it’s that big of a deal for him, he should just non-nonchalantly switch to that side and be done with it. No need to make comments about it. ;)
kel1
Could this chivalry be rooted in a desire to protect the woman? I really do believe that men are hardwired with a protective instinct. You see it throughout nature, as well, and I’m sorry to say this, but I think modern feminism that balks at the idea of a man desiring to protect his partner and/or family is really in the wrong here.
Maybe the man doesn’t want the woman to be abducted or hit by a car or something. Who knows?
Bottom line for me is, if a man tries to be chivalrous, don’t mock him or make fun of him. He is being a gentleman. His mama taught him right. She taught him that women are to be valued and protected (rightfully so, as we are the bearers of the future generations), which is something you rarely see anymore.
When a man opens a door or scoots a chair for a woman, he is showing that he can be civilized and thoughtful. I think it’s a little strange to complain about things like that when what we should be complaining about is the over-sexualization and objectification of the woman in society.
Barry Douglas
Yep Keli, a man has three rolls in a relationship. Profess, Provide and Protect. When we have those 3 elements in play our relationships are well grounded and our place in them is secure.
Karen Haas
This started eons ago – when uncivilized threw there slop (kitchen garbage) out the window onto the sidewalk. Women walked on the inside so hopefully wouldn’t be hit
Andrew Carter
Actually, the woman walked on the outside as the greater threat was the refuse/chamber pots. The male would receive the full brunt. The windows were flush as for overhang, the only overhang would be the roof.
Maybe a palace or grand manor house might have a balcony, but if that was the case then refuse would be taken out the service/servants entrance.
gretchen
Ah yes – old school chivalry. It seems to be a nice gesture and I’m sure it is well-intentioned, but I really think that’s as out-dated as opening doors and scooting chairs.
I’m not anti-male, but dang it I can get the door myself! I believe that holding a door open should be universal…meaning if someone is behind you, be courteous and hold it open for them regardless of their age, their race, their gender or any other lame reason. Just be nice to people. If a male gets the door for me, I say thank you and move on as if they would have done that for anyone – not just me as a female.
However, when they say things such as your husband did and make it a gender issue, then I think they need to be kindly told that’s a nice thought but an out-dated idea. ;)
Joseph
Dear Gretchen men walk on the outside of women because in the cities on the side walks pePeople throw things out the windows and that’s why it doesn’t splash on her because it’s hitting the street and splashing to the outside 😀🤣
Tom Hunter
Wow. How sad to read this comment. Killing chivalry, one comment at a time. I hope you aren’t raising daughters.