You SHOULD Be A Sore Loser!

This entry may spark a little controversy but I have never claimed to be politically correct. This is my blog so I can say what I think. You can take it or leave it and your feedback is always appreciated even if you just want to tell me that I am wrong.

About a week ago, I went out to eat with a few friends of mine. We call this “girls night out” and we spend the majority of the time just cracking each other up. I don’t even know what we were discussing when on a whim, Trina and I decided to have an arm-wrestling contest right there on the dinner table. I don’t even remember who challenged who, but knowing me and my big mouth…well…it was probably my idea.

Now I usually win these sorts of things. Being a drummer, I have pretty decent muscles in my arms and wrists. I figured this would be an easy deal. I even offered to go right-handed so she would have the advantage. Big mistake. She flattened me in under two seconds. Of course I said “it’s not fair, I’m left-handed,” so we switched arms and proceeded with round two…which lasted about 5 seconds, if that. To make me “feel better” Trina tries to console me by saying that in high school she used to beat the guys on the football team. Ok – that would have been good information to know BEFORE I challenged her.

I don’t like to lose. That’s just the bottom line for me. I know what I am good at and if I don’t at least have a fighting chance then I will just flat out not participate. It’s not because I am a sore loser, it’s because part of the thrill for me is the competition and if my opponent is going to slaughter me then there is no challenge involved and it’s no fun. Since my past experience had shown that I am pretty good at arm-wrestling, I decided there must have been SOMETHING wrong with the dinner table scenario so while we were all in the ladies room a few minutes later, I decided we should have a go at it again on the bathroom counter….don’t ask how that went.

I firmly believe in learning from your mistakes, even if the lesson is just to never attempt to do a certain something again. This is not that lesson. I don’t like to lose. If I am not good at something and it interests me in any way then I tend to get motivated to BE good at it. It’s like my favorite No Fear T-shirt that said something like “I train every day so that when we meet in head to head competition, I will beat you.” I know I don’t have the slogan quoted verbatim but the shirt was basically saying “Hey – I realize I’m not good enough yet, but I am training a bajillion times harder so I can take you down.” I loved that shirt. I wish I still had it.

Anyway, back to the arm-wrestling. I recently got back to my workout/training routine after taking the summer off. I’m not really training for anything specific, but I don’t like to feel out of shape. And getting clobbered at arm-wrestling is a good motivator to get back on the training circuit. So I warned Trina that I was gonna go back to lifting weights and that we would have a rematch in about six weeks. She countered by telling me she was going back to the gym, too. Good – more motivation for me. ;)

So, yes, I am a sore loser. Not the kind of sore loser that kicks and screams and throws chairs across the basketball court. I’m talking about the kind of loser that understands that it is ok to lose, but it is NOT ok to be content with losing. If you are content to lose, then you will never get very far in life. You are settling for mediocrity. Losing should be merely a challenge to yourself to do better next time. Losing should be a good motivator to beef up your skills. Like it or not, life is like being in school 24/7/365. Everything is a learning experience but the bad experiences should move you to bring about positive changes. My arm-wrestling example may sound trivial, but you can apply the principle to anything that bothers you. I really don’t care that Trina beat me, the real issue here is that I realized how out of shape my arms are at this point in time. If you are not where you feel you need to be in some aspect of your life, then be a sore loser about it. Prepare yourself to do whatever it takes to rid yourself of the “sore loser” feelings. Accept the challenge and make the necessary changes to be the winner.

Life is full of “sore loser” experiences. I can’t possibly win at every game I play. I have to pick and choose when and what I want to play. And I’m not just talking about competitive sports. You, too, will have to narrow your focus down to things that truly matter to you. If you are ok with losing at something, then you are obviously not passionate about it. This can be applied to academics, parenting, personal fitness and anything else that holds your attention. If you are focused on specific “games,” then you can funnel your energy into those areas, be stronger and win. People who succeed in life are highly focused individuals. They train to win and they don’t waste time playing games outside of their focus area.

In my example, beating Trina at arm-wrestling is not going to make my Top 10 goals list for the year, and in reality if she beats me again…well…knowing me, I will work even harder and keep at it until I do beat her. Arm-wrestling is pretty minor compared to a lot of issues we face. Take a moment and reflect on what may be “beating you” at the moment. It’s not really that hard to think of something. Listen to the voices in your head (no not THOSE voices – the other ones – the ones the psychologists call your “inner dialog”). What are some negative thoughts that you have right now? You know, the ones that scream at you day after day. What are they saying to you? Are you ok with losing?